365 Days of Il Dolce Far Niente

I've spent most of this past year underneath a dark cloud of depression. What started as an overwhelming feeling of sadness quickly took over my entire life. I struggled even getting out of bed most days. Everything that had ever brought me joy was put on a very long pause. Daily walks around my neighborhood. Cooking. Food in general. I completely lost my appetite. Couldn't even find enjoyment from my favorite songs and tv shows. I was just numb and paralyzed with apathy.

I only recently realized that part of it might have been not having something to really work for during that time. I had finally graduated. I received my bachelor's degree. After all those years, school was over! What was originally relief from never having to take another math class or write any more essays turned into something more like grief, I think.

When I decided to apply to school again this year, I had to really push myself during the application process. It should have felt overwhelming, but instead it brought me back to life. I realized two things in that moment:

1) I needed a challenge to actually enjoy life
2) It's really fucked that I need a challenge to enjoy life

I have tried several times over the years to complete 75 Hard. I've been successful in completing it zero times, but I still enjoyed the journey. While I would at some point love to actually make it through the full 75 days, I decided I needed a different kind of challenge to heal me right now. So I created 365 Days of Il Dolce Far Niente as a sort of anti-hustle culture challenge.

Il dolce far niente is an Italian phrase that literally translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” But the idea behind it isn't about laziness. It's about allowing yourself to enjoy a moment without rushing through it or feeling like you should be doing something more productive. Sitting in the sun with a coffee. Taking a walk with nowhere in particular to be. Lingering at the table after a meal. Getting lost in a good book. These are the small moments that make up a life. Dolce far niente isn't really about doing nothing. It's about being fully present in your own life.

I struggle a little with calling this a challenge. The whole idea of dolce far niente feels at odds with turning the simple enjoyment of life into another thing to accomplish. But hustle culture has already made resting without guilt feel wrong, so maybe turning the sweetness of doing nothing into its own challenge is actually a genius way to trick us all into slowing down.

So, here are the rules I've come up with loosely based on 75 Hard. I'll be starting on my birthday! Instead of 75 days I decided to make this a year-long challenge since it's really more about a life well lived than it is about pushing you to your limit. And I refuse to waste another whole year of my life sitting under that dark cloud.

Feel free to start with me. I hope this teaches you it's ok to just do things for the joy of it all.

The Rules

1) No screen time 1 hour after waking up and 1 hour before bed. This is probably going to be the most difficult rule of the whole challenge, but also the most important. When you wake up and reach for your phone first thing, your mind fills with everyone else’s world before you have even stepped into your own. News, opinions, other people’s highlight reels, things to compare yourself to, things to worry about. Your day has barely started and your nervous system is already buzzing. At night, it follows you into bed. Instead of letting the day settle, you fall asleep carrying the noise of everything you just consumed.

For this rule, keep your phone set aside for one hour after waking and one hour before bed. In the morning, wake up slowly. Make coffee. Step outside. Let yourself exist before you perform. At night, read your book. Drink your tea. Let your mind rest as the day closes.

2) Exercise for 45 minutes. Keeping this rule from 75 Hard. One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to keep your body strong, mobile, and active. I am so sorry to be the one to tell you, but it's true: when we move regularly, we feel better, think more clearly, and have more energy to enjoy the things that make life good. Each day, spend 45 minutes moving your body. This does not have to be an intense exercise. It could be a walk, yoga, strength training, cycling, dancing, stretching, or any activity you enjoy that helps to keep you in shape. The goal is simply to stay active so your body can support the life you want to live, one filled with walks, adventures, good food, and everyday moments of joy.

Never beating the millennial pose allegations ✌

3) Spend 30 minutes outside, rain or shine. The 45-minute outdoor workout from 75 Hard was the inspiration to this rule. But instead of another workout, you just need to get outside. Touch grass! Being outside connects you to the rhythm of the world around you. Sun on your face, wind in your hair, the quiet of a foggy morning, or the feeling of heavy rainfall, these moments can reset your mind, lift your mood, and remind you that life exists beyond screens and to-do lists. Take a walk, sit outside with a coffee, read in the sun, stroll through a park, or simply step outside and breathe for a while. Experience the elements as they are.

Of course, use common sense. In cases of extreme weather, dangerous storms, or unsafe heat or cold, adjust accordingly. The goal is to reconnect with the outdoors, not to put yourself at risk. Rain or shine, spend at least 30 minutes outside every day.

4) Drink 1 gallon of water. I decided to keep this rule as 1 gallon just like 75 Hard because I think it's one of the main things that gave me the most benefit while I followed the program. I have been pretty dehydrated lately, and I can definitely feel the difference in my body. I'd much rather be peeing every 20 minutes than feeling as terrible as I've felt without hitting my water goal. Feel free to adjust this one as it suits you. You might not need an entire gallon. Maybe half your body weight in ounces is enough for your body. Just be sure that you are hitting the same target goal daily, and not a drop less.

5) Make 1 real meal. Not as intimidating as it sounds. While this rule is the perfect excuse to try any of the elaborate recipes you have pinned, you definitely don't need to be cooking a 5-course meal every single day. Something as simple as a pb&j counts. This is just a moment for you to slow down, be a little more mindful about the food you are putting into your body, and savor every bite. Take a little more time here. Eat slowly. Put your phone away. Unlike the diet rule with 75 Hard, this just focuses on one meal a day (bonus points if you can do this for every meal, but we're not about burnout around here).

6) Read 10 pages of any book. For some reason, one of the things I struggled with after trying to complete 75 Hard was reading for pleasure. I love to read, but if it wasn't a non-fiction personal development book, I felt guilty making time for it. I know that probably doesn't make much sense, and likely wasn't an issue for most people. But in case it's something you've struggled with, here is your permission: you are allowed to read whatever you want to read without guilt! Please read just for the joy of reading. Hate reading? Try an audiobook. It's ok, I promise. I just want you to take the time to fall in love with a story. Any story.  

7) Document the day. This rule is meant to be a way that both expresses creativity and keeps an intentional record of your day. I'm a photographer, so when I originally created this challenge, I wrote it as "take 1 photo a day."  But there are so many ways to be creative and intentional. I thought it would be best to expand the definition. You can write a journal entry or a short story, paint a picture, record a voice note, make a collage, take a picture. However you want to express yourself, do it in this moment. It can be personal. You don't have to share it with the world. We aren't documenting to perform here. Create it for yourself.

8) Spend 5 minutes decluttering 1 area of your life. Set a timer and go. Delete emails from your inbox. Sort through the mail. Put away the laundry. This isn't meant to be a deep clean. Just a few minutes spent on a simple task you've been putting off so you can finally release it from your mind.

This challenge will be incredibly difficult, but it isn't meant to make you feel defeated. You don't have to start over from day 1 if you miss an item on the list (unless you want to). You can even just use my ideas as guidelines and make your own list to build your personal dolce far niente life.

I'm so excited to use the next 365 days to heal and grow and live my best life! Maybe eventually I'll be able to just enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing without having to turn it into a challenge.

Comment below or tag me in your posts/stories if you'll be joining me!

Snapshots of Okinawa: An Ode to Friendship & Japanese Curry

There are many things I miss about living in Japan. The people. The culture. The pedicures. The singing toilets. American Village. How much better McDonald's tasted there.

But above all, I miss Coco's Curry.

I have been craving Coco's for months now. Good food has never been just food for me. It's always a memory of good times, too. So along with the curry, I was missing the experience. A friend joining me for lunch at Coco's, our kids in tow. We both loved spicy food and decided we had to try all 10 spice levels, so we went up a level with each visit. I think we decided level 7 was the perfect amount of spicy without sacrificing flavor.

So I've been missing Japanese curry, which really means I've been missing the friendships from that time in my life. The really cool thing about social media is that I can still keep in touch with those friends. I still love them all dearly. I still have a general idea of what's going on in everyone's lives. I'm grateful for that. But it's different when you can get together to take your kids to the roller slide on a random Wednesday.

When you can commiserate over leaky military housing in the middle of a typhoon (those puppy pads really came in handy when water was pouring in through the walls).

When you have someone else around who can truly appreciate the colorful graffiti all around the island.

And the random Leo DiCaprio signs that we think had something to do with the environment, but never really figured that part out.

Sending love notes to friends who lived across the street while painting before it was time to move out.

It was such a special place, and I was blessed to experience it with such special people.

So yes, I miss the curry deeply.

Since there's no Coco's nearby (I believe there is actually one in LA, but that's a little further than I can travel at the moment), "we got Coco's at home."

Breaded chicken patty over rice, smothered in Golden Curry Japanese Curry Sauce (the spicy one, obvi). 

Much like life over the years, it wasn't the same, but it was close enough.

The 39th Year

I'm turning 39 next week.

I'm turning 39, and I still feel like I'm 12. Certainly, there is no way I'm an actual real-life adult? I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. My diet relies heavily on energy drinks and Hot Cheetos. I still use eeny meeny miny moe for major life decisions. I never go to bed at a decent hour. I still can't bring myself to fold and put away the laundry. 

helllllppp meeeeee

And yet, I'm turning 39.

The math is mathing, but it doesn't add up.

Even though I may still feel like a child, I am, in fact, a geriatric millennial longing for the good old days. So I decided to start a blog again! As we did back then.

I'm so annoyed with myself for where I am and where I am not in life at almost 39 years old, so it seemed like a really good idea to put pen to paper...finger to keyboard...and spend this final chapter of my 30s getting my shit together and figuring out what the hell I'm doing.

First order of business: A career pivot. I recently bought a BMW, so changing careers is only the second-most cliché midlife crisis I've had thus far. Though I am starting to realize that a midlife crisis is really just deciding to finally do what you've been putting off for years. For me, that meant buying the X5 and applying to school to begin my career in healthcare.

For some reason, I got a degree in HR. It was probably smart. I have that to fall back on if I ever need it. But in hindsight, it probably would have been wiser to pursue healthcare from the start like I had planned to years ago.

To be fair, when COVID hit, I was terrified of working in a hospital. At the time, though, healthcare workers were some of the only people whose jobs still felt secure while everything else was shutting down. The older I get, the more I realize I need a career with stability (maybe I'm not such a child after all).

I've been working as a photographer for nearly two decades now, and I'm so completely burned out from trying to keep the business afloat. The past couple of years have been the most difficult. I have pretty low overhead costs, which means there really isn't much fat to trim from the business. Yet, I still can barely even afford my website at this point. I have tried everything I can to increase sales, but things just seem to get slower and slower each day. So I'm soft quitting my own business.

I have a handful of amazing, loyal clients that I absolutely love and am so grateful for and will always make time to take pictures of, and if anyone else reaches out to book I will without hesitation. But at this point, I am done trying to make it work as a long-term career goal. It's been almost 20 years. I'm so proud of everything I have created within that time, but I am also so tired and so ok with closing this chapter of my life.

So, healthcare it is.

I have an interview this week for a program I have been wanting to get into for years.

I never thought I'd have the chance to even make it this far in the process. Amazed at my own determination here. There isn't much in life I've wanted as much as I want this, so I'm really hoping it works out. Cross your fingers, light all the candles, and say some prayers for me, please! I'll share an update on this when I can.

In addition to the midlife crises of car and career, I have other goals in mind for my 39th year. In a nutshell (help, I'm in a nutshell!):

• Build toward financial stability
• Get healthier and stronger
• Create a routine that I actually stick to
• Take a real vacation to one of my dream destinations
• Stop doomscrolling
• Set boundaries and stand up for myself
• Live this one wild and precious life as fully as I can

Keeping this list a little more vague for the eyes of the entire internet. The specifics are between me and my personal journal. But I promise I'll share progress on all the important things.

So, that's that for my first post! Keep following along if you, too, long for a little bit of that blogger nostalgia. Or if you just want to creep on what's going on in my life. No shame, just don't make it weird.

Byyyyyeeee.